It’s hard to explain that hurt to people who haven’t sat in it. There’s no clean cut. Even when the breakup is mutual. Even when it was the right decision. Maybe you’re grieving the life you thought you’d have. Maybe you’re carrying guilt for leaving. Maybe you’re still holding out hope that they’ll come back. 

Whatever you’re sitting with, you’re not alone in it. And it’s not just in your head. It lives in your body, your nervous system, your sense of safety. The grief shows up quietly, on the way to work, in the middle of the night, when you’re just trying to do something ordinary like fold the laundry.

Sometimes it’s raw and loud. Sometimes it’s numbness that makes everything feel a bit flat. Some people describe it as heartbreak. Others say it feels like failure. Most say they didn’t expect it to feel this heavy for this long.

What It Can Feel Like…

• Waking up with anxiety and that awful knot in your stomach
• Feeling emotionally stuck while everyone else seems to have “moved on”
• Replaying conversations, trying to make sense of what went wrong
• Watching them move on, while you feel left behind
• Feeling like you’re too much, or somehow not enough
• Trying to stay strong when you’re quietly falling apart

It’s Not Always Clear Why It’s So Hard

It doesn’t always make sense on the surface. Sometimes the relationship was painful, and yet the absence still aches. Sometimes you were blindsided, left trying to piece together how someone could go from saying “I love you” to walking away. Sometimes you did the leaving, but you’re still haunted by the “what ifs.” There might be anger, relief, shame, longing, guilt, jealousy, regret, sometimes all in the same day.

Maybe you’re telling yourself it shouldn’t hurt this much. Or that you should be “over it” by now. But this isn’t just about a breakup. It’s about everything that came with it. The version of love you gave. The parts of yourself you lost. The patterns you’re tired of repeating.