Are you left with questions like, why won’t he/she commit to me? What are we? Why won’t they label us as a ‘relationship’? If we aren’t friends, we aren’t girlfriend/boyfriend and we are not friends with benefits… you might be left thinking… So what are we? 

Love is a complex tapestry of emotions and desires, and navigating the realms of romantic relationships and the dating scene can often leave us pondering the infamous three words: “I love you.” 

But what happens when those words are followed by an equally significant question: “But what are we?” In this blog post, we’ll delve into the emotional rollercoaster of uncertainty, explore the complexities of defining relationships, and offer guidance on navigating this delicate terrain. So, let’s unravel the mysteries of love and dating and discover what lies beyond those three little words. 

Whether you want to use the term psychologist, psychotherapist or coach, whichever makes you feel more comfortable in helping to tackle the relationship with yourself and others I am an online relationship therapist which can help you understand behaviours which may be effecting your marriage, relationship or dating habits. 

The Unspoken Ambiguity: The Fear of Defining the Relationship 

Defining a relationship can be intimidating. It requires vulnerability, communication, and a willingness to navigate unknown territories. The fear of rejection or the desire to maintain a sense of freedom can keep us in the realm of ambiguity, leaving the question of “what are we?” unanswered. But avoiding the conversation only perpetuates the uncertainty and prevents both partners from fully understanding their connection. 

The Spectrum of Relationships: From Casual to Committed 

Relationships exist on a spectrum, ranging from casual flings to committed partnerships. Each relationship is unique, and defining it requires open and honest communication. Discussing expectations, boundaries, and future plans can help both partners gain clarity and understand where they stand. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to defining relationships. It’s about finding a mutual understanding that honors the needs and desires of both individuals involved. It’s important to remember that we all hold our own set of core wounds, relationship needs, past trauma (what did and what did not happen) and our hard-wired attachment system which can filter our subconscious perceptions on the reality that is occurring in our external environment. What does this mean? Well, it means we each see our reality differently depending on the filter we have created in our subconscious mind throughout our lives.   

Embracing Vulnerability: The Power of Open Communication 

Defining a relationship requires vulnerability which most of us fear doing as it is unknown territory and can led to the possibility of rejection or abandonment which we try to avoid. The willingness to open up and express our needs, desires, and fears can be a daunting task, but it is essential for fostering trust and deepening the emotional connection if the relationship built so far is true. Don’t rush the process, true connections take time to build and you could be rushing the need for a label as your are anxious about being used or mis-treated. Similarly, you might be putting off labelling the status of your relationship out of fear of entrapment or loss of freedom. Whichever the reason, it is essential that we create a safe space for open communication, free from judgment or preconceived notions. By sharing our feelings and actively listening to our romantic partner/interest, we can navigate the uncertainties together and strengthen our bond or find that our feelings are not reciprocated. Regardless of the outcome this in an opportunity to step into our truth and be empowered, to communicate what we truly seek, release any feeling of anxiety, and worry that we might be facing and with this new knowledge choose whether to walk away or build together. 

The Perils of Assumptions: Avoiding Miscommunication 

Assumptions can be the silent saboteurs of our relationships. Often, we assume that our partner feels the same way we do or desires the same level of commitment. However, assumptions can lead to miscommunication and unmet expectations. Avoid the pitfalls of assumption by having honest conversations about our desires and intentions. It’s better to clarify and align expectations early on to avoid unnecessary heartache, feelings of loneliness or anxiety further down the road no matter how hard this may feel now. 

The Fear of Losing Freedom: Balancing Independence and Intimacy 

One common reason for hesitating to define a relationship is the fear of losing personal freedom. It’s important to strike a balance between independence and intimacy. Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean sacrificing our autonomy; it means finding a healthy blend of togetherness and individuality. Communicate our need for space and maintain our own interests and friendships, while also nurturing the connection we share with our partner. When two securely attached individuals come together after working through their hard wiring, past-relationships, trauma (what did and did not happen), core wounds and let’s face it – our baggage; we can nurture a healthy loving relationship without our subconscious filter or those tinted glasses to create effective communication, responses and behaviours. 

Trusting the Process: Allowing Relationships to Evolve 

Defining a relationship doesn’t mean everything is set in stone. Relationships are dynamic and evolve over time. Embrace the journey and allow the relationship to naturally unfold. Trust the process and have faith in the connection you share. It’s important not to rush, define or label to quickly. What is important, is creating and building a genuine connection with somebody. It’s more important to discover and get to know a person to see if you are compatible for the long haul rather than just a temporary, lustful fling. Remember that defining the relationship is not about boxing yourselves into rigid expectations but rather creating a framework that allows for growth, exploration, and mutual understanding. 

The Power of Self-Reflection: Understanding Your Own Needs 

Before seeking to define a relationship, take the time for self-reflection. Understand your own needs, desires, and boundaries. Ask yourself what you truly want from a partnership and whether the current relationship aligns with your vision for the future. Be honest! The saying, ‘love is blind’ is true and we often glaze over red-flags and chose not to see them in fear of being alone. 

We need to ask the hard questions to discover if our values align for long-term commitment. Unfortunately, physical attraction, lust and wanting to be in a labelled relationship are not enough. We need to discover if our views on money, health, careers, travel, parents, children, drive, ambition and lifestyle choices for example align. Relationships are not the Disney movie, the princess or the knight in shining armour. Relationships are built. 

Being self-aware allows us to communicate our needs effectively and make informed decisions about the direction we want our relationships to go. This is called ‘the work’. 

The three words, “I love you,” are only the beginning of the intricate journey of defining a relationship. The question of “what are we?” requires open communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to explore the complexities of love. Embrace the uncertainty, engage in honest conversations, and seek mutual understanding. Remember, defining a relationship is not about confining love; it’s about creating a framework that allows it to flourish. So, dare to have the conversations that matter, and embark on a journey of self-discovery, emotional connection, and love that transcends the boundaries of ambiguity. 

Get in touch: When in Doubt, Reach Out 

If navigating the complexities of defining a relationship feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to get in touch. This is what I do! I will provide support; help you discover and reflect on your situation, dating and relationship patterns and behaviours. Together, with you, rather than at you. 

I specialise in attachment and the relationships we hold with ourselves and others. Whether that be in dating, with couples or separations. I will provide guidance and help facilitate productive conversations for you to be true to yourself and help stop the little gremlin inside your head. I will offer insights, tools, and strategies to navigate the uncertainties and find a path that aligns with yours and your partners’ needs. 

Let’s get out of the maze together! 

Best wishes, 

Charlie. 

Psychologist, Therapist, Coach based in Dubai providing global online therapy to those in need.   

We don’t need to hurt. 

#relationship expert