When Everything Falls Apart

If you’re going through a divorce, separation, or painful breakup, I want you to know you’re not alone. The grief can feel gut-wrenching, the loneliness unbearable, and the emotions exhausting.

I know this because I’ve been there too. I’ve been the one left behind, struggling to breathe without the person I loved. And I’ve also been the one who had to walk away, carrying the guilt of causing someone else pain. Neither role is easy. Both carry heartache that can feel impossible to put into words.

In moments like this, it’s natural for your mind to spiral with questions: Why me? How do I survive this? Will I ever feel whole again?

Right now, it may feel as though the cloud will never lift. But in time, with gentle steps and the right kind of support, the storm does ease. And little by little, you begin to rebuild a life that feels calmer, clearer, and filled with more hope than you can see today.

Why Divorce and Breakups Feel Like Grief

When a relationship ends, the loss is far greater than a person. It’s the loss of shared routines, the version of yourself you were with them, and the dreams you held for your future.

That’s why breakups and divorce often feel like grief. The emotions mirror bereavement because something deeply significant has been torn away.

You may notice yourself moving through stages such as:

Denial – telling yourself this can’t really be happening.

Anger – at them, at yourself, or even at life.

Bargaining – replaying what ifs and if onlys.

Depression – sadness that feels heavier than words.

Acceptance – slowly, gently learning to live with what has happened.

But separation grief is rarely neat or predictable. You might feel progress one day and be right back in despair the next. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Separation

Breakups don’t only touch the heart; they shake the whole nervous system. You might notice yourself slipping into:

Freeze – shutting down, staying in bed, feeling numb.

Flight – keeping so busy you don’t have time to feel.

Fight – irritability, snapping, or bursts of anger.

Fawn – people-pleasing to avoid further rejection.

You may also feel the deep pull of broken attachment bonds. Humans are wired to attach, it’s what makes love so powerful. When those bonds are suddenly severed, it can feel as if something has been ripped away inside you. That’s why the pain feels so intense.

If you’ve wondered why you can’t just “get over it,” this is the reason. Separation is traumatic because it touches not only your heart but your sense of safety and belonging.

The Four Tender Areas Most People Struggle With…

Emotions: The Inner Storm

One moment you may feel almost steady; the next, you’re in tears. You might swing from anger to sadness to fleeting relief and back to despair. This rollercoaster can be exhausting.

What helps is having a safe space, somewhere you can put words to your emotions without judgment. With time, the waves become gentler, and you begin to feel more anchored.

Health: When Heartbreak Shows Up in the Body

Grief doesn’t just live in your mind; it shows up in your body too. Maybe you’re crying until you’re drained, struggling to sleep, eating to comfort yourself, or finding you have no appetite at all.

I know what it’s like to lose motivation, to reach for fast food or pour another glass of wine just to cope. I also know how guilty we can feel after.

This isn’t about pushing yourself into perfection or punishing your body. It’s about kindness. Sometimes that looks like cooking a simple meal, going for a gentle walk, or remembering to drink water. Small steps remind your body that you’re still here, still moving, and that slowly, you will be okay.

Relationships: The Fear of Being Alone

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost not just a partner but your whole support system. Your inner critic, the voice I call the inner gremlin, might whisper: No one cares. You’re unlovable. You’re alone.

But that voice isn’t telling the truth. There are people who care for you, even if they can’t always hold space in the way you need right now.

This is where therapy can feel like a lifeline, a place to bring everything, at your own pace, without worrying you’re “too much.” Together, we explore your grief, so you don’t have to carry it all on your own.

Wealth: When the Future Feels Uncertain

Separation often stirs financial fears too. Even if you’re independent, the dreams and plans you built together may feel like they’ve been taken away. It’s not just about money, it’s about safety, stability, and the life you imagined.

Part of recovery is slowly daring to dream again, to set goals that are yours alone. That might mean focusing on career growth, new plans, or simply reminding yourself you can stand on your own two feet.

From Surviving to Rebuilding

In the beginning, just getting through each day is survival, and that in itself is brave.

But there comes a moment, sometimes quietly, when survival begins to shift into rebuilding. You start to imagine new routines. You notice tiny glimpses of clarity or calm. You wonder what else life might hold for you.

That shift doesn’t happen overnight. It comes in small steps, with setbacks and progress along the way. And that’s okay. Recovery after divorce or breakup isn’t about being perfect, it’s about finding your way, one day at a time.

Gentle First Steps You Can Try

If moving forward feels too big right now, focus on small, compassionate actions:

Journaling – writing out your emotions so they don’t stay trapped inside.

Connection – reaching out to one safe friend, not everyone at once.

Movement – a short walk, gentle stretching, or deep breathing.

Boundaries – limiting late-night scrolling or checking on your ex.

Support – giving yourself permission to talk with a professional.

These aren’t quick fixes, they’re stepping stones. Each small step begins to ease the weight and helps you reconnect with yourself.

The SOS Survival Kit: A Hand to Hold Onto

When I was going through my own divorce and breakups, I remember wishing someone could just hand me a guide, something simple to hold onto when everything felt out of control.

That’s why I created the SOS Top 10 Survival Kit for Divorce & Breakups. It’s a free resource filled with gentle, practical tools you can use right away:

Ways to soothe overwhelming emotions.

Simple practices to calm your nervous system.

Reminders to quiet the voice of your inner gremlin.

Small routines that bring back a sense of stability.

It’s not about rushing your recovery, it’s about having something supportive in your hands when you need it most.

Download your free SOS Top 10 Survival Kit here

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Divorce, separation, and breakups can feel like your world has ended. I know how heavy it is to carry. But this pain won’t last forever, even if it feels endless today.

You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are stronger than you feel right now.

If you’re ready for a gentle first step, I’d love to share the SOS Top 10 Survival Kit with you. It’s my way of putting something steady in your hands, so you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Whether you want to use the term psychologist, psychotherapist or coach, whichever makes you feel more comfortable in helping to tackle the relationship with yourself and others I am an online relationship therapist which can help you understand behaviours which may be effecting your marriage, relationship or dating habits. 

Best wishes, 

Charlie. 

Psychologist, Therapist, Coach based in Dubai providing global online therapy to those in need. 

We don’t need to hurt. 

Download your SOS Top 10 Survival Kit here

#relationship expert