Why Breakups Can Feel So Difficult, Even Early On

Reflections from my recent conversation on Dubai Eye Radio

Listen to the full version here from 28:38  

It can feel confusing when a breakup leaves you in pain, especially when others might dismiss it by saying “but you weren’t together that long” or “it wasn’t that serious.”

But as I discussed recently on Afternoons with Helen Farmer on Dubai Eye, breakups are rarely about timelines. The pain comes from how deeply we invested emotionally, and the meaning we attached to the relationship, regardless of its length.

In fact, it’s the stories we tell ourselves after a breakup that can cause the most suffering.

Listen to the full version here

*from 28:38  

Why does it hurt this much?

In my work, I see four key reasons why breakups or divorce can feel particularly painful:

Loss of identity
Sometimes we attach parts of who we are to a partner’s qualities, maybe they were confident, social, or funny. When that relationship ends, we’re left wondering “Who am I without them?”

Painful internal narratives
You might be asking yourself “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why wasn’t I good enough?” This story can quickly become more painful than the breakup itself.

The search for closure
Many people feel they need one more conversation to get closure. But closure doesn’t come from coffee with an ex. Closure is something we find within ourselves by reflecting on what we need and how to meet those needs independently.

Disruption of routines and friendships
A breakup can leave us feeling untethered from our daily life. Shared hobbies, mutual friends, even familiar places can suddenly feel difficult or triggering.

Dating again… too soon?

Another theme we explored on air was the rush back into dating. It’s common to want to fill the emotional void quickly, whether through dating apps, casual connections, or distraction.

But I encourage clients to pause.

Taking at least six months before starting to date again gives space to reflect and reconnect with yourself. Jumping back in too soon often leads to repeating old patterns, carrying unresolved pain into new relationships.

Why dating can feel harder today

I also shared thoughts on modern dating, especially in a busy expat city like Dubai.

Repeated hurt can leave people dating from a place of fear rather than genuine openness. Experiences like ghosting or breadcrumbing can increase anxiety and erode self-esteem, making it harder to trust or connect.

In this environment, it’s easy to feel disconnected from yourself and your values.

That’s why I often encourage clients to meet people offline, through hobbies, running clubs, or simple shared interests, where connection can develop slowly and naturally.

What a healthy beginning looks like

It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship rarely starts with instant fireworks or intensity. When early dating moves too quickly, it can trigger feelings of insecurity or unease.

A slow pace allows trust and curiosity to build gently over time, without the pressure to define things immediately or to fixate on one person too soon.

Even simple things like how you approach a first date matter, it doesn’t need to be expensive or elaborate. A coffee or a walk offers plenty of space to connect in an authentic way, without unrealistic expectations or unnecessary pressure.

For anyone struggling now

If you are finding it difficult to navigate the pain of a breakup, you are not alone.

You can give yourself time to pause and reflect. You can gently rebuild your routines, spend time with friends who support you, and focus on becoming your most secure self before stepping into something new.

If this feels overwhelming or you feel stuck in painful loops, I’ve created something to help you get started.

Download my free SOS Breakup Survival Guide: 10 Top Tips to Survive & Thrive After a Breakup or Divorce.
It’s a simple, calm guide to help you begin this chapter in a way that feels supportive and sustainable.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, intrusive thoughts, or impulsive decisions during your divorce, you’re not alone.

As a divorce therapist and coach, I help people move through this process with clarity, emotional balance, and self-trust.

Click my free SOS link for my free download:

10 Tips to Survive & Thrive During Your Separation.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, intrusive thoughts, or impulsive decisions during your divorce, you’re not alone.

As a divorce therapist and coach, I help people move through this process with clarity, emotional balance, and self-trust.

If you would like to find out more about working with me, book you free 20 minute discovery call here

Whether you want to use the term psychologist, psychotherapist or coach, whichever makes you feel more comfortable in helping to tackle the relationship with yourself and others I am an online relationship therapist which can help you understand behaviours which may be effecting your marriage, relationship or dating habits. 

Best wishes, 

Charlie. 

Psychologist, Therapist, Coach based in Dubai providing global online therapy to those in need. 

We don’t need to hurt. 

#relationship expert