Divorce, Separation or Break up? 

Ah, mixed signals—the enigmatic dance between hope and confusion. We’ve all been there, desperately trying to decipher the messages from our exes. One moment, they’re warm and friendly, and the next, they’re distant and cold. If you find yourself lost in a maze of uncertainty, keep reading! I will explore the intricacies of human emotions, decode confusing behaviours, and offer practical advice to help you find clarity amidst the chaos. 

Whether you want to use the term psychologist, psychotherapist or coach, whichever makes you feel more comfortable in helping to tackle the relationship with yourself and others I am an online relationship therapist which can help you understand behaviours which may be affecting your marriage, relationship or dating habits. 

The Emotional Whirlwind: Why Mixed Signals Happen 

Before diving into the complexities of mixed signals, it’s important to understand why they occur in the first place. Breakups are rarely black and white—they’re messy and emotionally charged. Your ex may be grappling with their own conflicting emotions, unsure of what they truly want. Fear, regret, and uncertainty can all contribute to the confusing messages they send. Remember, their actions are a reflection of their internal struggle, not a reflection of your worth. It is important to remember your ex is also human and just because they get in touch with you does not necessarily mean that they want to get back into a relationship with you. 

Give Yourself Space to Heal and Reflect 

The first step in understanding mixed signals is to give yourself the space to heal. Breakups can be emotionally draining, leaving you vulnerable and in need of self-care. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship, process your emotions, and reflect on what you truly want moving forward. Taking care of your own well-being will give you the strength and clarity to navigate the mixed signals with a level head. I am sure you have heard on the no-contact rule and this is a great way to provide self-love and care to yourself so you have time to heal and re-discover your sense of self. The key here, is what you do during this initial stage of the separation. I highly recommend your take this time to improve yourself, your habits, behaviours, and patterns; we are 50% of any relationships and it is very easy to blame the other party rather than looking at how we contributed to the end of a relationship. Read more about the stages of grief in the ending of a relationship here! 

The Art of Reading Between the Lines 

When it comes to deciphering mixed signals, it’s crucial to look beyond the surface-level actions and words. Pay attention to the underlying emotions and intentions behind their behaviour. Are they genuinely interested in reconnecting, or are they simply seeking validation or attention? Are they just bored and wanting to self-validate that you miss them? Trust your gut instincts and evaluate their consistency over time to gain a clearer picture of their true feelings. This is where understanding integrated attachment theory can help as we can work together to understand the activation and deactivation of behaviours in your relationship, and learn how to relationship better. 

Communication: The Key to Understanding 

Open and honest communication is vital when dealing with mixed signals. Instead of making assumptions, respectfully your needs of distance and space. Unless you ex has explicitly said ‘I want to be back in a committed relationship with you’ you should take the time of no-contact to equalise your emotions. Approach the conversation with empathy and a genuine desire to understand their perspective. Remember, effective communication requires active listening and being open to their point of view, even if it differs from yours. 

Setting Boundaries for Your Emotional Well-being 

While trying to understand mixed signals, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Determine what you’re comfortable with and what you need from the interaction. If their actions continue to confuse or hurt you, it may be necessary to create some distance. Remember, you deserve clarity and respect, and it’s okay to prioritize your own emotional health. 

Focus on Actions, Not Words 

In the realm of mixed signals, actions often speak louder than words. Pay attention to how your ex behaves, as actions are a truer reflection of their feelings. Are they making consistent efforts to reconnect and rebuild trust? Or do their actions contradict their verbal expressions? Trust their actions more than their words to gauge their true intentions. Are you looking at their actions and words through your own tinted glasses and need us to work together on this? Read more here! 

Trust Your Instincts and Value Yourself 

When confronted with mixed signals, it’s easy to question your self-worth and become trapped in a cycle of uncertainty. Trust your instincts and remember that you deserve clarity, consistency, and a healthy relationship. Don’t settle for breadcrumbs of affection or emotional turmoil. Value yourself and prioritize your own happiness above deciphering mixed signals that leave you feeling confused and emotionally drained. 

Focus on Your Growth and Happiness 

While you navigate the confusing world of mixed signals, prioritize your personal growth and happiness. Invest time in activities that bring you joy, surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself. 

Take your free attachment quiz here to help you relationship better. 

Let’s get out of the maze together! 

Best wishes, 

Charlie. 

Psychologist, Therapist, Coach based in Dubai providing global online therapy to those in need.   

We don’t need to hurt. 

#relationship expert